Yesterday morning, I woke up determined to go for a walk. I haven’t done that in quite a while locked in a prison that I did not realize was of my own making.
Funny the walls we build for ourselves. Funny how we can be so oblivious of this. Thinking that we are trapped by our circumstances, our jobs, our spouses, our responsibilities, our families or whatever the case may be. When all along, we erected that prison by ourselves!
As an introvert, I need lots of personal time to rejuvenate and re-energize. Lately, that personal time has been scarce. I used to have three days all to myself but when my work schedule changed, that changed too. I felt..trapped. Constantly drained, unfocused, tense.. unable to accomplish anything.
But I was determined not to let another weekend go by wasted. The sun shining on me felt so good. I savored the feeling, so glad that I went for that walk. Amazed that I had allowed myself to feel so powerless that I could not even go for a simple walk. It seemed absurd then. Did the loss of my solitude really matter that much? Could I not structure my day so that I the personal time I needed for part of the day? Maybe in the mornings when everyone was busy with other things? Ideas floated in my mind.
Now, sitting quietly in my room, I hear my sister downstairs. She’s not bothering me, minding her own business really. I can and am taking this time for me. Listening to my podcasts and blogging.
It seems clearer now but it is funny how we can feel so overwhelmed that we are unable to think. Funny how we let the fluff so overtake us. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
“Don’t sweat the small stuff..and it’s all small stuff”